I have just finished delivering “The Gift” in Orlando, a very cool group of people, many of whom were there to improve the quality of their relationships.

It has me thinking about how difficult most of our society makes relationships, and how our current divorce rate hovers somewhere between 50 – 60% depending upon who you read, and this does not even begin to comment on the happiness of those that remain together, you do not have to look far and wide to know that even many of the relationships that still together are not REALLY working. Relationships are one of the most fascinating and beautiful ways for us to discover ourselves, grow evolve and make our unique contribution to the world, yet most of them are anything but that.  Is it any wonder that some of the best selling info products on the web are “How to save your marriage” “You can avoid divorce”

I love The Beatles song “All You Need is Love”  after all it has a great beat and it is easy to dance to ; )  But it is symbolic of a core issue, myth, fantasy that our society seems hell bent on perpetuating.

Lets be clear, love is beautiful, love is amazing, hey I will even go so far as to say love makes the world go round.  That said let be even clearer on this point when it comes to primary relationships that actually work, that are sustainable, meaningful and fulfilling LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!!

Just because I am afraid I was unclear and perhaps was beating around the bush I will say it again.  Love is not enough for a primary relationship to sustain the tests of time.  I know that this statement wrankels many people but that does not make the statement any less true.

There was a gentleman in The Gift that had a statement that I found interesting “God and nature did not design marriage or relationships for the fulfillment of each others needs, it was created for each of us to heal our childhood wounds”  I think this is a fascinating statement as I would view the healing of our childhood wounds as a fundamental need.  I think what he meant was that we are not there to dance to each others whims, have my supper ready, bring home a  big pay check, provide a place for me to belong, need me so I feel needed.   Yes I do get this part and I agree, but another part of me wonders if this is just one more way to push away, deny and pretend that we as individuals do not have needs, or sometimes even worse perpetuate the myth that we can simply fulfill all our own needs. 

In the Creator’s Code Couples Weekend “The Power Between” we  create the framework for the following:

1) Personal consciousness of our own individual beliefs our partners beliefs  how they play out together in our relationship

2) Then we get to what are our REAL needs the core drivers, not the mechanics, stories and drama (this is what I think my friend and participant was meaning about helping each other heal our childhood wounds) and from a clean clear loving space create structures, processes and agreements to support one another to get those needs met

3)  The standard that we are shooting for is simply this.  To have a standing agreement that if one of us asks DIRECTLY for what we want and it is possible (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) for the other to GIVE it they do.  If they are unable to give it then they explain what is going on for them AND they support the partner in getting that need met in an alternative way.  Clearly just because they could not fulfill the need it does not mean that it has gone away.

The beauty of creating, applying and integrating this into your relationship, is that one of the most wanted  killers of primary relationships quite literally magically disappears.  The name of that is expectations.  The reality is that unconscious and unexpressed expectation has already created damage in your relationship, on both sides but it does not need to be that way, it is possible to banish unmet expectation from your relationship once and for ALL!

If having this type of clarity of self and your partner is interesting, and you would like to transform how you fulfill each others core needs, be sure that you check out “The Power Between”  

” When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. ”

Deepak Chopra